Apple Mango Maple Betty

my kitty and me.

So, I wanted to bake something with all these apples and mango I have. I also have half a cake the bf’s awesome mother got me for my undisclosed age b’day but the bf left the top open over night and it went stale. I decided to make this I
guess.

Note: for people who read the blog and are like wtf kind of recipe is that? I just make it up as I go along. It’s for creative cooks. Feel free to interpret and make your own versions because that’s how I come up with these ideas to begin with.

Apple Mango Maple Betty

5 Apples (mine were really small, if you have big ones use three, doesn’t matter what kind)

one mango

1/2 cup maple syrup

1 tbsp hot cocoa powder

1 tbsp dark brown sugar

couple teeny drops of vanilla extract

half a left over coffee crumb cake from entenmanns – just the top

I don’t know how to make the crumbs, I’m sure it’s easy

Candied Almonds (see last post)

Cinnamon like 1/2 tbsp (I would of used it if I had it)

Let’s do this.

Slice up the mango and apples. I didn’t know mangos have a pit. Be careful with that. Line them on the bottom of a greased baking dish, one layer, more if you cut up too many. Make a sauce. Get a little bowl and put the vanilla drops in, add the maple syrup. Add the sugar, make sure no lumps. Add the cocoa. Mix until well blended and pour on top of the apples and mango. Get the cake. Take off the crumbs and sprinkle them on top. Cook at 350 until really caramely and bubbly – 45 min kind of. At like one minute before you take it out sprinkle the almonds on top.

Let cool for like ten min and serve hot with something awesome like ice cream, which I don’t have. This is my first attempt at creative baking.

finished on plate for the bf

Close up...yummy!

here it is your moment of zen

Autumny Salad with Maple Candied Almonds and Balsamic Vinaigrette

So, I got a camera for my birthday! Everyone just sleeps all day. It’s fall which means it’s time for me to go reclusively  insane and cook up some good food.

kitty!

the bf is sick too many blankets.

Here is a recipe.

Autumny Salad with Maple Candied Almonds and Balsamic Vinaigrette

Baby Spinach

Dried Cranberries

Delicious Apples

shredded cheddar cheese

celery if you want

for almonds

1/3 cup Maple Syrup

2 tbsp butter

3 tbsp sugar

1 tbsp cinnamon

Almonds, the sliced ones, like a cup of them, maybe more.

for dressing

1/4 cup balsamic vinaigrette

3/4 olive oil

minced onion flakes

clove garlic

2tsp brown sugar

salt

black pepper

I made this just for myself. So give or take the ingredients. If you are too stupid to figure that out you will probably burn the almonds so just forget it.

Almonds

Set the oven to like 340 and brown the almonds. Be careful they burn quick. While this is happening put the maple syrup and butter on the stove in a pan and slowly bring it to a boil. When it is boiling add the almonds and stir them on a simmer for like 2 min.

Mix the sugar and cinnamon together and take the almonds out using a spoon or spatula that has holes on the bottom. Spread them out over a piece of tin foil and take the cinnamon and sugar and sprinkle it over them. Put them back in the oven at 340 and let the sugar caramelize. As soon as that happens take them out and let them cool. They are gonna be dark from the syrup.

finished almonds

Dressing

Put the vinegar in a bottle you are using for it. Add the onions, garlic, pepper and salt. put the top on the bottle and swish it around. Add the oil one by one and swish it occasionally. That should be good.

Salad

Toss the rest of the ingredients with the vinaigrette. Top the salad with your fucking awesome almonds you just made! HOW SWEET IS THAT SHIT!

finished salad

Now we can do the photoblogs again! Can’t wait.

Here it is your moment of zen

8 Silly Hats

So, Last night I had a dream that I wrote a blog called 8 Silly Hats. A professional blogger told me “lists” like the 16 scary movies get lots of hits or something. I think this triggered the dream. My dreams lately have been really stupid and realistic like I’m writing emails or going grocery shopping. Usually my dreams are insane and involve really crazy things like Freddy Mercury, flying, magical beer, baby gorillas and so on. Anyways, maybe if I make the dream a reality it will go away. So here it is: 8 Silly Hats

1.Morgan Freeman Trapped Hat

2. Lobster Hat

3. Cigarette Hat (puts a new twist on “IM GONNA PUT THIS OUT ON YOUR FACE”

4. WTF hat

5. Bar Code hat

6. O hai iz mai baloonz hat

7. Chainchomp Hat

8. Rainbow Hat (my favorite one)

Hope you enjoyed them. Here it is your moment of zen:

Top 16 Scariest Movies

So, it is almost my favorite holiday, Halloween! I read this stupid list of scary movies the other day and decided to make my own for you guys. I haven’t seen a lot of scary movies because I am frightened easily. These movies though, especially the ones I saw as a child have shaped my creativity and curiosity in ways I can’t explain. Fear is motivational and so are nightmares. These are the ones that really stuck with me as scary and disturbing and brilliant or just plain fucked up.  Enjoy, please share your thoughts!

16 – Strangeland

Probably one of the most twisted, fucked up people I’ve met in my life showed me this movie. It sucks, it’s horrible and gross. I don’t like needles and/or piercings. This movie is a nightmare. Believe it or not, it was made by Dee Snider.

15 – Dawn of the Dead

This is probably my favorite zombie one. I don’t know. I love this movie so much. It is perfect. Esp the end. The end is amazing. The scariest part I think is when they get the guy across the street. And I’m sure we all know there is nothing as scary as a zombie baby.

14 – Terminator 2

I probably haven’t seen this movie since I was ten and it scared the living hell out of me. This I think was the beginning of my fascination with the apocalypse. I couldn’t wait until August 27, 1999 to see if the prophesy really came true. We were in New York and we went by this building that had a big 666 on the top of it. My dad pointed it out to me as “a sign”. When that guy comes out of the tiled floor though, shit, that’s just too much.

13 – House of 1,000 Corpses

This movie is just so fucked up and weird. It’s gross. It is imaginative though. In a weird way. I don’t know who made it but I’m sure they are fucked up. The worst part of this movie is that the main characters on the good side almost get away like a hundred times. And then the end…the end makes me punch the couch.

12 – Psycho

This movie was one of those where I was like, this can’t be scary. It’s old. I screamed at the end. Screamed out loud. I was like 18 too.

11 – Carrie

I saw this movie at the most possible best time, in high school. I was a movie freak in high school and was trying to watch all the classics. I think this is when I watched this one. I loved the girl with the hat. I loved her style. I love the late 70’s. Maybe we will have a blog in the future about my disco-era polyester shirt collection.

10- Killer Clowns from Outer Space

This movie probably ruined a big part of my childhood. I don’t mind clowns at all. It was when they threw all the acid pies at the cop or whatever and he melted. That was traumatizing. Like that part in Rodger Rabbit when they drop the shoe in the bucket. That poor shoe…

9- 28 Days Later

Love it! Saw it in the theaters and so began my love with zombie films. I am not really afraid of zombies. I think they actually calmed my fear of dead bodies. They are funny and weird. I always had a thing with the beginning of this movie and the beginning of “The Walking Dead” comic book series, because they are very similar. I suppose it is a scary scenario, waking up in a hospital and everyone is dead. Hospitals are not where you want to be should zombie apocalypse strikes. I also loved the alternative endings for this movie. Amazing. Just great imagination all around.

8- 2001: Space Oddesy

This is one of my favorites too. But nothing is scarier than a robot trying to kill you. Even scarier is that it is in outer space. It’s also kind of scary when HAL “dies” and he sings that song. I don’t know why that creeps me out.

7 – Critters

Here is another example of a movie I shouldn’t have seen at a young age. This movie is solely responsible for my fear of decaying bodies and skeletons. Most specifically when they all turn into a ball and roll over that guy. Frightening. And that poor dog. I don’t know if this was the first one or the second. I don’t care, I hated those little 80’s animatronic puppets.

6  – First two Alien movies

I saw this movie I think when I was 8. I loved Star Wars and scifi movies, this was insane. I was terrified. I loved little Newt though and though she was so cool. I was pissed when Ripely dies in the last one, but even more pissed they even thought of creating that piece of shit Resurrection. It’s like it ruined all the other ones. But it didn’t because those movies were awesome.

5 – The Shining

I love this movie. Scary as hell though. I’ve seen it a bunch of times. It’s great. I think the scariest part is all the dead people in the lobby. That part is fucked up. Or the part when he’s in the cooler.

4 – The Stand

I have a weird love for post-apocalyptic movies and books. I told this to my new best friend Kristin Jones and she was surprised I hadn’t seen The Stand. This is when I started smoking pot.  I probably wouldn’t be so afraid if I wasn’t stoned. I watched about an hour of the mini-series and made her turn it off. It is about Good vs. Evil or something and a plague that kills everyone. At least Lieutenant Dan is in it. Jesus, and there is a “hospital scene” too, or a bunch of them.

3 – Jacob’s Ladder

I saw this movie when I was way to young to see this movie. IT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. There is a scene in a hospital with dead bodies and shit in the ceiling. I didn’t realize what the movie was about until I was much older and saw it again, still scary, but I realized it was about LSD. This is one of the many movies my father let me watch as a child that I really should not have been watching. It about a guy dying in Vietnam. And he’s like tripping out when he’s dying. *shudders*

2 – 30 Days of Night

This movie scared the shit out of me for a very long time after watching. I watched it in the winter, while living in Northern Vermont though. It was just so well made and quiet and thrilling and for some reason, real. This is the only scary movie I’ve wanted to watch again because I thought it would help me not be scared. It’s about vampires who take over an Alaskan town and kill like, everyone.

1 – The Orphanage

This is without a doubt the scariest movie I have ever seen in my life. It is such a smart, brilliant film. I thought about it for weeks if not months. It is about a woman who buys the orphanage that she grew up in. Then he son goes missing. It’s so fucked up after that. Dead kids, old ladies getting hit by cars. Puzzles. I can’t deal with it. My favorite story of this is that a few days after we watched it the bf woke up, woke me up and told me he had to go to the bathroom and then starred at me all weird. I realized he wanted me to go to the bathroom, which was downstairs with him. He said he was having a bad dream about dead kids. When we came back up the spiral stairs, the bf jumped, looked back and cried, “What the hell was that!” There was nothing there. It was pretty funny.

Here it is your moment of zen – Happy Halloween month!

Brocoli Cheddar Soup! (w/ Croutons!)

So, all the websites are broken as usual. I’m too tired to deal with it. I made my favorite soup tonite. Let me share. Electric Light Orchestra, FTW.

Brocoli and Cheddar soup w/ “croutons”

2 yellow onions

3 tbsp of WHITE flour (don’t subsitute for wheat)

1/2 tsp of salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp paprika

1-2 pounds of broccoli (well chopped)

3 stalks of celery

2 cups vegetable broth

2 cups whole milk

2 cups cheddar (more to taste, I used: 1 cup 3 year aged cabot cheddar, 1 cup sage infused cabot , 1 cup regular cheese. )

3 tbsp of butter

Melt the butter in a saucepan. add chopped onions. let them get see-through as usual. add spices, salt, pepper, stir…

Add flour slowly and stir for like 2-3 minutes until pasty.

Slowly add Veg broth and milk.

let boil.

When boiling, bubbling, nothing crazy because it will overflow. Add rest of veggies (chop them up retard), you can add carrots too if you want.

simmer at boil until veggies are soft.

add cheese slowly and stirring. Let sit 2 min and serve hot.

“crutons”

french bread, break into peices, put in the oven at 350 for 10 min at the most, before putting in the oven, sprinkle with EVOO and basil and oregano and thyme.

put those on the soup and enjoy. i put more cheese on the croutons because I’m a pig.

It was awesome!

Club 27

So, now I am in Burlington, Vermont. Which is weird. I haven’t been here in a while, and it’s weird because I feel like I’ve never left. I suppose maybe it is something that happens when you adapt to traveling and being on the road. I’ve already recognized like ten people in an hour. Some said hello. I am waiting to pick up the bf at work, which is really boring. I am in this healthy market called City Market. It is awesome. I’ve been in here for an hour and hopefully no one catches on. I did buy something though.

Today  I was on the radio for my music magazine. I’ve never been on the radio, I wish and don’t wish I could hear it. It’s been a weird weekend. I feel bad watching people when they are eating.

I forgot how small this city is. Everyone still remembers me somewhat and everything is kind of the same. The only thing I’ve really wanted to do is go to the coveted thrift shop that I am not going to tell you about because it is the greatest place on Earth. I’m still getting really fat which is something I am not happy about.

It is snowing outside. It is October 14th and it is snowing. What do you do about that. No one seems to care. If this was Boston there would be noses pressed up against the windows and people making obnoxious scenes. A lady just asked me about the wireless. It is my wireless I do not want her using mine…

I’m kind of just looking forward right now because really fun things are happening. Halloween, which is my favorite holiday. I suppose I will tell you what I am going to be for Halloween in a minute. I am also going to turn 27 years old. Which in girl years, is old. That will mean I am a grown adult and there is nothing I can do about it. Being a music lover, being 27 means I am going to die. Let’s take a look at all the people who died at 27. Thankfully, I am not a musician.

There are too many people in here. I don’t know what is going on. I can’t deal with this anymore. I always feel so naked writing a blog in public.

Here it is your moment of zen:

How satisfying it is to leave a mark on a blank surface

So, I read this book yesterday called Blankets which is like one of the most well-known “graphic novels” that are like “respected” by non-graphic novel people. I know that sounds jerky, but you can tell by how many times you see it on the shelves at contemporary bookstores. It is about a love story and a young man’s life I guess. I also read Stitches by David Small the other day which you guys probably know about I suppose maybe. It was so sad.

But I want to talk about Blankets. I’m assuming it is autobiographical. It takes place in a cold land. The guy is Baptist or something. Very religious. He goes to church camp and meets a lady. So I started thinking about that. I love Craig Thompson, he’s one of my favorites. I’ve never read this book though, I don’t know why. Too much hype I suppose. But I was like, shit, Craig Thompson is a religious nut? Not that people who are Christian are all nuts, but, he was really into it at a young age and so was his family. It was just hard to pick such a trippy, emotional artist as a bible toter.

So, anyways, he meets this girl at church camp. I went to Church Camp. I started thinking about that. The first time I kissed a boy was at Church Camp. He was a boy scout. I was 14. It was weird. I remember it though. He had braces and his name was Mike Coin. I am going to look him up on facebook. I don’t know if this is him. You see I’m insane, well, I just have a really, really good memory. Sometimes I pretend I don’t so people don’t think I’m a crazy person. I remember most people’s names, what the do, where they are from, etc. I remember them for a long time too. And it is usually weirdly selective. I think it has to do with writing things down. I’ve always kept a journal or a blog, and I reread them a lot and I think that’s why.

Do you remember the name of your first kiss?

Any love story makes me sad and cry. (Fun Fact: I never saw/read The Notebook because I’m afraid of how sad it is. My friend once told me the whole story on the phone. And I cried.) Not in a sad way, it’s different now with the bf. I love him and It makes me think of why I do and stuff. Or what would happen if it didn’t work out in the end. I mean, this is how you feel like with every person you love I guess. Some you know it is going to end. But when you are in that mode where you are like, FUCK! I don’t want to die because I won’t get to love you. That’s when things get tricky. This happens often in the young folks too, the noobs.

Anyways, so this book made me think about Church Camp and love. Sometimes I also feel like I never learn anything. Every relationship I feel like I do the same mistakes. I don’t know what they are because then I would stop doing them. I just usually end up banging my head against the desk and thinking why/how did this happen. Assuming what happened was an argument or something.

This morning though I woke up next to the bf. We are in a beautiful place right now. He spent a lot of his life on this little island in Vermont. And this is who he is, a big piece of him is in these trees and lake and so on. His family is here. And it’s kind of like seeing a moving, living mirror, and again, it is not constant.

Same thing with love, all things must end. Nothing stays the same forever and this goes with my theory of comparison, or I guess maybe it doesn’t, no, it does. When you compare something to something else, in this case moments of feeling, like oh, I love you so much more than yesterday, or more commonly, the opposite, you get sad and realize it will never be the same. I will never love that person again the way I did when I first saw them.

People seem to think like this a lot. I do not want the bf to go away. I am lucky to have him near me a lot. He is not near me now. I suppose the thing I’ve learned with him, and he is the person I’ve been with the longest, almost 2 years, is that you need tolerance for things. I got this fortune cookie when we started dating it said: Why does it matter? Who is without flaw? Or something like that. It can go for me or him and that has to be understood by both parties. If we argue one will say, I’m sorry, I’m crazy and the other one will say me too.

The moral of this blog is that the end of the book made me cry. It’s kind of like the end of The Things They Carried, obviously not as heavy, but kind of the same philosophy about documentation in a story. At the end of The Things They Carried, Tim O’brein says something like, I’m Tim trying to save Timmy’s (himself as a child) life with a story. Or something like that. Anyways, I love that book, it’s probably my favorite book about writing and storytelling. At the end of Blankets, I don’t care if you haven’t read it, you probably have, he draws himself as a grown adult (he’s like 17 in the most part of the book) walking in the snow. And it says: How satisfying it is to leave a mark on a blank surface. No matter how temporary or something like that.

This I take it mean three things. He’s an artist, it’s fun to draw on paper. He made an impact in the girl’s life, it was their first experience with love. The girl made one in his and inspired him to write this story.

I was thinking that this is important in any relationship. You are making an imprint, and the longer you are with someone the more you influence their lives. I don’t think people think that that happens most of the time. They are selfish, as most people are and think that a relationship is and should be the same constantly. When in reality it is changing and shifting with every conversation, kiss, argument and dinnertime. Or in me and the bf’s case, epic nap, 12 hour work day, road trip and night on the town.  Me and the bf do something only great  friends can do, we can sit in silence and it isn’t weird. We’ve driven for hours in silence. Not becuase we were mad but because we just didn’t feel like talking. Or I’ll tell him stories. Or he will tell me stories and we will play a game.

What I’m trying to say is everything does matter I suppose, but not in a comparison kind of way. The same way the bf’s childhood affects our relationship is the same way our relationship affects or relationship, his childhood more so because it’s his childhood for christ sakes, but they all have impact. It’s hard to sit down and look at the relationship, because it is moving. It is like trying to take a picture of a hummingbird in flight. It’s like we are subconsciously trying to answer the question, Why do they love me?

The moral of the story again, is that I think the best approach to a relationship is a relaxed one and a respectful one. Realize the other person is going through the same thing. The other moral is that if the relationship ends, you shouldn’t toss it away and think nothing ever happened. Which I’ve done. And I’m sure you have too. It is a part of you. Everything that happens to you collects and creates the person you are, an ever-changing being. Like in T2 when they freeze the cop terminator and he blasts into pieces and gels back together. All those little blobs are things that happen. You can’t break it apart. Some blobs are big ones and some are small.You are their life and your life is theirs.

Here it is your moment of zen:

French Apple-Onion Soup with Provolone

So, I really like soup. The bf is gone for the weekend, I am here with the cat playing Twilight Princess and getting over a cold. I really like soup. I decided to try something weird. I really love french onion and I like apples in as many things as I can put them in. I decided to make onion-apple french onion soup. Here you go.

3/4 Delicious Apple

one sweet yellow onion

butter, like a teaspoon or two, right?

a 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon

1/2 anise seed

tablespoon of dark brown sugar

Pacific organic foods french onion broth stuff. It comes in a box

French bread

Sharp Provolone or Swiss cheese thickly sliced – I like the provolone, it goes better with the apple. try cheddar if you want, but cheddar melts weird.

I think that’s it.

Slice up the apples and onions to a decent amount of thinness. Get the butter in the sauce pan and melt it. Right when it melts put in the onions, stir them around a minute and then add the apple slices. Sprinkle the sugar on until it dissolves. Add the spices. I was going to use basil, hell maybe I will, 1/2 tsp of basil.

anyways, stir it around and let the onions and apples caramelize, this might take a while (15 min or more) because the apples suck and have water in them. Be careful with them midway through, they get mushy. I’m sure there is a better way to do this, I don’t know.

heat up the Pacific organic soup broth stuff.

Take a slice of bread or two and toss it in the toaster over and let it get really crispy. The more crispy the more it’s not going to go to hell in the soup. When this happens put a piece of cheese (or three if you are me) on the toast and let that melt a little sticking to the bread.

Take the broth, put in the bowl and add the apples and onions, put the peice of bread gently on top. There you go. That’s just about it.

I don’t have a camera and ate it in five seconds.

Have fun gang.

Here it is:

Should of Gone Home – A tribute letter to the Tim Gearan Band

So, last night something happened that will never happen again. It was Tim Gearan’s last Monday night show at TOAD in Cambridge. Tim has been playing every Monday night for 15 years. In the music “business” that is unheard of. Someone would think that people would get tired of the same thing over and over again.

Tim Gearan is my favorite live musician. He inspired me to get into promoting and writing about, and most importantly experiencing, live music. Last night I was trying to tell a friend what made his music so special and tripped over a quote that explains the Monday night at TOAD experience best.

The quote was  this: “A verbal art like poetry is reflective it stops to think. Music is immediate, it goes on to become.” – W. H. Auden

What I like best about live music is that it is an immediate experience, it is fleeting and instantaneous and also ultimately unique, because it has never happened before. It reminds you of being alive, and that you are alive not for a controlled, concrete amount of time but for a long, silver trail of instances. And I’m sure you understand that when you remember that part of being human, it kind of gives you the chills, which also happens when you hear great music.

I do not remember the first time I went to TOAD on Monday. It was always there for me in college. I suppose I am a “trooper” and could stay out late and sleep 3 hours and then got to school or work. It was also nice to know that the other people who were at the show are also only the kind of people who would go out on a Monday night which I think says something about a person.

The followers, or participants, I suppose, of Monday nights come from all over the place, personality and background wise. There were other musicians, fearless college students, artists, local Cambridge folk, figure skaters, computer programmers, journalists, actors and me usually. As diverse as the make-up of the audience was, Monday nights were probably the greatest sense of community I have ever experienced. And I must thank Tim and his band for bringing us together.

Tim’s music is one of my favorite kinds, bold and gutsy soul-driven blues. It would make me cringe to hear him play because sometimes it just oozes with so much feeling I would feel like I would have to sit down and close my eyes. His voice is unique and perfected with a weather-worn rasp. The band on Mondays were composed of a horn section, trombone, trumpet and sax, all musicians whom I deeply, deeply admire and thank. Two percussionists, and a bass player. Sean Staples, a fellow UMass Boston alum played mandolin.

The other weird thing about Monday at TOAD was that a lot of the fans were UMass Boston alums, which hints at the idea that maybe that is how I started attending the show. They were also co-workers of mine when I worked at the Lizard Lounge, the sister venue to TOAD. It has always fascinated me when I see two groups of people from different realms of my life melt interact with each other in the same room.

TOAD is a small bar. Very small with a capacity of 62, I think. There is a long church pew lining the wall and a bar with windows and little toads opposite it. The bartender was a guy who I really liked as a bartender. I don’t like bartenders who don’t really think about your alcohol intake. This guy would give me this look. I don’t know if it is just the way his eyebrows went, but he looked like he was asking me silently if I really needed that second shot of Jameson.

I have so many memories of those evenings. They all kind of blend. There was this one time me and some of the band members decided to drive to New Hampshire and play board games all night. I went swimming in the morning, it was really pretty.

Like most people, if not all, I have an issue with large losses. It is hard to admit to myself that it something or someone is gone. It is abstract with this loss though. Because it is not a solid, tactile thing, nor was it ever. It was a string of instances, which would loop together meticulously on Monday nights, on a main street in a beautiful city which I call home. It’s never going to happen again. But I am so happy it did, and that I was there for it, and that I could participate in it and see amazing human beings creating magic on cold Boston nights and balmy summers.

Thank you, Tim and your whole amazing, amazing band. Thank you Jeff, Anna, Nicole, Steve, Greg, Karen, Paula, Elizabeth, Dave, Jeremy, Jamie, Jason, Allissa, Cody, and everyone else who made me be able to stand in one particular place on Earth, point down  and say,  “This is my  home. This is where I belong.”

this must be the place

Here it is your moment of Zen:

I kept thinking something which is a crippling thing to think, which is wishing to go back in time.

He was only twenty-five. He was young enough to miss his youth just as it was slipping away. The worst kind of loss—the one that is happening as you feel it.- Emma Forrest

So, I am listening to a CD I got last night by this band Muy Cansado. Which in Spanish, as you may or may not know means very tired. Usually when someone asks me Que Pasa? or Como Estas? I usually answer: muy cansado, muy borracha, muy aburrida, which the last one actually means boring not bored.

Anyways, it’s usually muy borracha, which means, drunk. Because usually the only time I am confident to speak Spanish, I am muy borracha.

Anyways, Jesus Christ. I kind of like drama, I suppose, for those who don’t know me well. I would really like some cheese right now. They are coming out with a video game about Dante’s Inferno which made me mad and happy at the same time. You know when you have this great idea for a video game and then someone “steals” it from you.

Since we are on the topic. I would like to discuss something very unconventional for me to like. It’s called…ugh…Smirnoff Pomegranate. Now I’m listening to this band called “The Lights Out”. I don’t know about you other 26 year olds, but those words make me scared. I really like how harmonizing is back. It’s pretty awesome.

No, the pomegranate. First of all, I just keep getting fatter. I think this has to do with the sadness which won’t be discussed of course. This also might have to do with this gross vodka. I feel like I am cheating on my beers and snobbery as a drinker. “Flavored Vodkas! HA! You just don’t know how to mix it right, Lazy.”

But then came the nips to save money at shows. The moral of this blog has been a reoccurring theme about friendship. I talked to a friend today and told him what the hell was going on. Which is a lot.But before that…  It’s rare someone cries in front of the Whole Foods parking lot and some random lady comes out and tells her her tragic life story to make you feel better.(Happened to me today)

The thing with today, I kept thinking something which is a crippling thing to think, which is wishing to go back in time. It got so bad I was trying to think of the exact day I would want to go back to. Not that fantastical thinking is fun to think about. But wishing for it hard is detrimental to your being. It makes you want something that will never happen and then in the meantime it will take away from what you should be spending your compassionate energy on. You know what I’m saying.

Then I got on the real “wrong” track which was thinking of what is going to happen. Is this moment going to look glorious in retrospect? I think my brain forgets the sad, sad things. I remember them happening, but I don’t know why they would instill the pain they gave you. But when I think of love I had when I was younger it’s still there, and I still sigh and especially, when I listen to that one song. I sigh, and remember and I think it makes it even more sweetly painful to know it will never happen again.

But, the hard part is trying to take hold of what is happening right now, and being like, ok this is it! This is it! This is it! (not a Kerouac reference (I think he’s an asshole and never found “it”) THIS IS IT! Because it is here. My family is alive, my bf is in the other room. I have a roof. I have good friends. I have a cat now. It should be good. Should be good.

You can hear me singing if you knew what my singing voice was like. For you out of towners, this is the Lizard Lounge. My old work…and other house.

Here it is your moment of zen: